Monday, 25 September 2017

Get off that platform - Now!

Oh dear, my husband's voice was so sharp I almost fell off the platform which would probably have caused me more damage than any potential accident which may have befallen me by staying on it and completing the task I'd set myself, which was clearing the guttering of our neighbour's conservatory which backs on to one of our hedges and they can't access properly.

 "I told you not to do that," he said, "I'll do it when I trim the top, it's ridiculous you struggling to stretch over it, and dangerous too."

"Yes but you left stuff in it last time and weeds grew," I said as I climbed down the short ladder on the side of the platform.

"Well I'm not their bloody gardener, I'm only doing them a favour but in any case I'll do it not you, so don't get on the platform again or else. I mean it." I stuck my tongue out.

You see it was a lovely weekend, warm and dry and perfect for the Autumn hedge trim which is a bit of an exercise because our hedges are quite tall and safest to access from a metal platform which P doesn't like me using and I must admit has warned me about on previous occasions. But I like to help in the garden and especially when the weather is so nice, perhaps if it had been cold and windy I wouldn't have been so keen. I wouldn't have got my bottom caned either.

Now I'm not complaining that I got my bottom caned, although I did at the time, but he could at least have waited till we'd finished all the work and cleaned down and then maybe a bit of hanky panky to follow, which would have been nice and he wouldn't have been so angry after a few hours so he might not have caned me as hard. Anyway what happened happened. P's phone went before he'd started trimming, he probably wouldn't have heard it once the motor was going but never mind, it was someone he knew and they wanted some information and P went into the house. After ten minutes he still hadn't returned and I pulled the platform across to our tree which was also on the list for trimming. I locked the wheels (I'm not as oblivious to safety issues as he makes out), got onto the platform and started snipping some of the higher branches with long handled pruners. I didn't see any harm, I don't like wasting time, I wasn't using machinery and I wasn't having to stretch. I didn't hear P come back out of the house, he was beside me in the middle of the lawn when I heard his voice.

"What did I tell you about climbing onto that thing? Get down right now. Pass the cutters to me." I handed him the pruners and got down. I was about to kick the wheel locks and push it back over to the hedge when he grabbed my upper arm and told me he wanted a word with me inside the house.

He marched me inside and laid the law down, told me when he said something he meant it especially where health and safety were involved and particularly my health and safety. I said I was sorry and that I didn't think it was dangerous I was just trying to be useful while he was on the phone. He said, "You just don't use the thing at all, end of. And especially on your own, you just don't do it and........" He cut off from whatever he was going to say and then said, "Just come with me, I'll make the message loud and clear." And with that he took me upstairs into the office and caned me across our little desk after awkwardly moving my sewing machine which I'd been using the day before and hadn't put away after me.

I only had shorts on, thin cotton ones with no knickers, I'd been hoping to attract his attention later in the day as we worked together. Now I was getting it sooner than I thought and not quite as I'd envisaged. He didn't bother taking them down, he didn't need to they hardly offered much protection, he just made me hold the other side of the desk and keep my stomach flat against it so that  I couldn't ride forward with the cane strokes to mitigate them. Oh P knows all the tricks. He gave me certainly more than a dozen strokes, he doesn't make me count and he certainly doesn't; he did make me squeal though and rather a lot towards the end. When he told me I could get up I stood stamping my feet hard from one side to the other looking out the window. If anyone had been passing, which they weren't, I would have looked a strange sight bobbing up and down and jerking my head. It didn't stop the pain but it distracted me from it temporarily.

"Stop that nonsense and turn round." My husband's voice, he likes to make me face him for post spanking lectures, when I'm hot and flustered and sometimes a bit sniffly. "I don't want you getting on that contraption again unless I specifically ask you to for some reason, is that very clearly understood?" I didn't answer. "Well is it or do you need a few more strokes?"

 "Yes P," I muttered.

"Very well, I'm going back outside now, I shall start trimming the hedge on Terry's side first and I'll make a point of clearing his guttering and show you before I move on. I'll expect you to come and help me as usual now that we're quite clear who does what." And he was away.

I joined him five minutes later, clearing up the debris he was leaving. Skivvy me. After he'd finished the section with the guttering he got off the scaffold and asked me if I'd like to climb up and see what a neat job he'd made and check the guttering was to my satisfaction. He saw me hesitate and said, "Go on, it's safe I'm here steadying it." I got on the platform and held the grab rail bending forward to see into guttering, I could feel my husband's eyes on me, well on my rear end to be precise as I was about three feet above his head. I told him it looked good.

"It looks very good indeed from here," he said. I turned and looked down, he was smiling I knew exactly what he was referring to.

I climbed down the little ladder taking each step a bit over carefully and jutting my backside out as I did it. Then I went across and planted a little kiss on my husband's cheek and we got back to work.

Have a good week.


Friday, 22 September 2017

A Smile for Today

Have a fun weekend.


Let me know if picture is yours.

Wednesday, 20 September 2017

The Aussie Bumsmacker

Part of the description made me smile - Like new condition, never used to smash flies, just bums.

Found on ebay


Monday, 18 September 2017


Does anybody own any of this stuff and can anybody please explain it to me in, as Jeremy Irons said in Margin Call, words a child would understand. I mean a sentence or two of low syllable words which I don't have to google.

 You see our son has got some. We were with him in group on Saturday evening and he's got some and so has one of his friends. I didn't like to express my ignorance in front of a few people, although I wouldn't be at all surprised if some of the others didn't understand it either, a more sophisticated version of The King's New Clothes. P appeared to know what it was and said it was still dangerous and volatile even though it had produced mind-blowing returns for people over the past few years. Coming back home in the car I said if it was dangerous, should our son really be buying it but P said he's a big boy now and has to figure out these things for himself, he also said he'd been weighing up the case for buying some but only on a dip. He said he'd talk with our son about it but he wouldn't be trying to persuade him for or against, only that it would be prudent to hold only a modest amount in his opinion.

 I still had no idea what it really was, only that you don't get anything you can rattle in your pocket. I asked him why he would be considering getting some if it was potentially dangerous but he said it was possibly the future of currency and by having a small stake he would be more likely to pay attention to it, like when you buy shares in a company you naturally tend to show more interest in that company or sector. Well I understood that but I still didn't understand what the bitcoin actually was and when he started talking about blockchain and cryptology I lost the plot completely and asked him to start from the beginning and use simple words. My husband sighed and said no point, he'd do it some other time, I wouldn't understand it anyway. Bastard.

 When we got in I poured a couple of glasses of wine and asked him again to explain it and told him I wasn't thick, which was what he'd implied, but perhaps he was if he couldn't boil it down to a simple explanation. He wouldn't do it and said there were other things to talk about and he'd explain it tomorrow and he'd spank me if I kept going on about it. He was joking, worse luck, and I could tell so there was no point me carrying on and we switched to tree surgeons and neighbours.

 I didn't bring the matter up next day but I did have a quick look on Wiki, it didn't help much, I feel like a whole chapter of technology has slipped by me. I would love to drop it out in casual conversation one day that I was thinking of buying some too (even though I don't think I would), just to show him! Or better still actually do it, or make out that I had, that would get his attention, I could imagine his 'What! You did something as stupid as that without consulting me?'.  Might even merit a spanking. Then another one when he found out I hadn't really done it:)

Have a good week.


Friday, 15 September 2017

Leather implements required

Can I be a bit commercial here and put my business hat on.
I'd like to make contact with someone who makes or supplies leather implements, or who has the skills to do so but doesn't currently. Maybe semi retired leather worker or a hobbyist.

You see, I want to add some simple but good leather items to the canes I sell but I haven't so far found a source of supply. So, anyone out there who has a bit of spare time and knows how to work with leather I'd love to hear from you. 

Don't be shy, if you know how to make satchels or saddles, belts or sandals and that sort of stuff I'm sure you could turn your hand to tawses, martinets, straps and leather paddles. 
I love leather myself, its touch, its smell, it suppleness, the way it ages, I still have my original Leatherthorn which is donkeys years old and seems to get better with age.

So if you've got relevant skills and some time to spare, and share an interest in TTWD, why not mail me, in complete confidence, and we can talk. 

Have a fun weekend.